I Can’t Seem to Find the Words

This is not a post about finding the right words in a certain situation.  You know, like when you order flowers and you get to the card and the little box to the right that says “Can’t find the right words?”, and you click the box and some canned responses pop up so you don’t have to stress about it anymore.  Or when someone drops some earth shattering news on you and you stare at them, dumbfounded, because your brain has shut down and the synapses have stopped firing for the moment.
 
Nope…not what this post is about.
 
This post is about my post-menopausal, overweight, sweaty and moody self who now, as if the prior wasn’t enough, finds herself in perfectly normal conversations when suddenly a word will not come.  I’m talking about the middle of a sentence, at work, with people watching!  Don’t believe me?  Here’s an example…
 
“So to recap (recap!  I didn’t even have to make anything up!), we’re going to make reservations at ABC Restaurant and I’ll start booking flights to….um…to….(at this point I start waving my arms in a circular motion trying to get the universe to bring me the word)…um…you know…  Finally, blessedly, my coworker chimes in with San Francisco.
 
San Francisco!!!  Really!!!  One of my favorite cities on the planet that, I’m guessing, a good part of the population could actually find on a map and it simply will not come into my brain and out of my mouth.  Holy crap.
 
And this is happening more and more with simple little words in simple little situations. So, of course, I Googled it.  Shockingly, it’s not a brain tumor or early onset Alzheimer’s….just old age and menopause.
 
 Sigh…
 
And the forgetfulness!  Thank God I’m project manager who has learned over the years, to put certain things in place that keeps things from falling through the cracks.  Project plans, tickler files, reminders on my calendar and phone were all invented, I’m convinced, for women of a certain age.
 
That is when I can remember to set the above in motion.  Yeah…that happens too.
 
It’s not like people don’t know I’m old and I’m “revealing” myself when this happens.  Or that I look so young that people are left thinking, “That poor thing…so young…must be a brain tumor.”  Nope, I may not act my age but I definitely look it so people are probably thinking, “Wow…is THAT what happens when you’re old?”
 
But, one of the benefits of old age is that you no longer give a fuck what other people think (most of the time…I’m not that old yet) so it really doesn’t bother me and is none of my business what people think of me.  It’s just so frustrating.  You KNOW the word.  You KNOW you KNOW the word and still…it doesn’t travel from your brain to your mouth so your left waving your arms like an idiot and when the word finally comes you can’t remember what the hell you were trying to say in the first place.  
 
There are a lot of other benefits to getting older…um…what’s the word…um….
 
Wait…what was I saying?  Shit.
 
Namaste
 
PS – While researching my potential brain tumor, I did find an interesting website for info…and it’s got a really cool name.