So I saw the head doctor today (finally). First let me say that I love my psychiatrist. He is the perfect blend of just plain doctor with a side of empathy. I’ve seen him for the last 12 years and honestly don’t know what I’ll do if and when he retires. Hopefully I’ll have conquered this whole business and it won’t be as big of a deal.
Yeah…I don’t think so either.
I went in and told him how I wasn’t in a good place and then proceeded to whine about how frustrating it is to have to keep going in and getting my meds adjusted.
Side note: When I’m healthy those thoughts do not enter my mind. I know that I’m lucky to be getting the help I need and to have people who support whatever I need to do to make myself well. It’s only when I’m on the downswing that I start to whine about it all and the fact that I’m not “normal”.
Oh for Christ’s sake. Seeing that in print really pisses me off.
Anyway, the doc really wasn’t having it either. In short he told me that if I wanted to figure out why I keep cycling in and out of depression then I was going to have to get some therapy. He can adjust my meds from now until the cows come home and will continue to for as long as I need but if I’m going to whine about my mental state, then I should damn well try and do something about it.
Okay…maybe that last sentence had a lot of me in it and less of him but you get the picture.
I even brought up the fact that therapy is expensive and that I can’t really afford it and…well…he didn’t actually call bullshit on that one but I sensed he was thinking it. Not because he doesn’t think therapy is expensive but because we’ve been together a long time and he knows my schtick. If I really wanted therapy I’d FIND the money to get it.
Well played doc…well played.
He changed my meds around and I want to get stabilized on them before I make any real decisions. I want to see how I feel on the new meds before I embark on dating a new therapist (actually I think I’ve found one if I decide I need to go so that will make the process easier). Or maybe I should just look at the finances and bite the bullet and just GO. I don’t HAVE to go every week right? I can go once a month if that’s all I can afford right?
Bottom line? Get your shit together Sherry.