A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I went to see Cinderella in the theater on Thursday evening with a coworker (we’re both Disney fans freaks) and it was amazing.  It definitely did not disappoint and was a delight.  I highly recommend it.

While we were waiting for the show to start something really weird happened.  This particular theater is one of those dinner and a movie places where you can get dinner right at your seat and they serve a full bar.  We were sitting there and my coworker and her friend were, of course, surfing Facebook and Instagram.  Since I’m on a 30 day hiatus from social media I was just sitting there.  No big deal right?

Wrong.  Not only did I find it difficult to stay away from Facebook (sad in my estimation) but I wanted a drink in a way I haven’t in a very long time.  It was actually uncomfortable.  To be totally honest, the thought had been in my head the whole day because this theater has a nightclub vibe and sits smack dab in the middle of several other nightclubs and restaurants.  Thoughts like, “Wow it would be nice to go out and have a drink with these ladies.”  Funny thing is…they don’t even drink so, as usual, it was all about me.  I also came to the realization that social media had become just another way for me to escape, another obsession, another addiction.

Well crap, 30 days may not be enough – but it’s a start.

As far as the drinking goes, this particular craving bothered the living shit out of me because it was so strong and so damn uncomfortable.  I thought worried about it a lot on Friday, discussed with the hubs and decided I would post about it as soon as I had time.

Then on Saturday I went to the grocery store – where they sell wine.

We have a new Harris Teeter grocery store in our area which is really close to my house and has been highly anticipated.  (You know you’re old when you get this excited about the opening of a new grocery store…but in my defense, there’s a Starbucks in the store!  A Starbucks people!  Close to my house!  On my way to work!  Just sayin’.)  Harris Teeter stores are local favorites because they provide an extra level of customer service, are clean and bright and upscale and have a lot of fancy dancy food items you may not be able to find elsewhere.  Of courses most of the prices reflect all of that but since I don’t do most of the shopping – I don’t really care.

So after my annual mammogram* I stopped by to pick up the makings of my chicken noodle soup since it was rainy and cold and perfect for chicken noodle.  Harris Teeter has always had a beautiful wine aisle done all in faux dark wood and low lighting and a 5% discount on purchases of six bottles or more – all of which sent me there on a daily basis in my drinking days.  Since quitting however, I haven’t really thought about the aisle.  I just don’t go down it when shopping and that’s that.

Until yesterday.

Whether because of my craving on Thursday or because the store was new, this time when I passed by the aisle I glanced over and really checked it out.  As I looked at all of the shiny bottles with their red and gold (and some pink…yuck) elixirs, I stopped to really take it all in and examine how it made me feel.  I guess I wanted to see if I was still craving the wine.

Fortunately I did not feel the craving.  What I felt was sadness.  I felt the overwhelming feelings of sadness and despair.  I felt like to go into that aisle would take me into a dark hole for which there is no return.  I flashed back on so many Saturdays that I thought would be filled with fun that ended up anything but.  I remembered standing in an aisle very similar to this one wondering if I would be able to stop before I got drunk – and knowing I wouldn’t.  I thought about all those late nights, alone with my huge glass of wine when I cried because I knew I was too far gone and didn’t know how to make my life better.

Tears sprang to my eyes and a shudder passed through my body.  I stopped and closed my eyes and said a quick prayer – “Lord – thank you for removing me from the hell that I was in.  Thank you for giving me the courage to stay away from this aisle and turn my life around.  Thank you for happiness far greater than I ever knew.  Thank you for loving me enough to stay with me even in my darkest days and hearing the dream that was in my heart.”

It took awhile to shake the uglies (it was raining and gloomy which didn’t help) but later I was able to find my peace and to sleep the deep and satisfying sleep of the sober people.

Thank God.  No seriously…thank GOD.

Namaste

*Ladies consider this my personal PSA.  Get the ta-ta’s squished at least once a year.  It’s a small price to pay for the peace of mind that a clear exam gives you and the absolute best way to catch anything that might be in there early enough to save your life.  

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re feeling small
Alone in the night you whisper

Thinking no one can hear you at all
You wake with the morning sunlight
To find fortune that is smiling on you

Don’t let your heart be filled with sorrow
For all you know tomorrow
The dream that you wish will come true

When you can dream then you can start
A dream is a wish you make with your heart
When you can dream then you can start
A dream is a wish you make with your heart

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you will loose your heartache
Whatever you wish for you keep

You wake with the morning sunlight
To find fortune that is smiling on you
Don’t let your heart be filled with sorrow
For all you know tomorrow

The dream that you wish will come true
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

When you can dream then you can start
A dream is a wish you make with your heart
When you can dream then you can start
A dream is a wish you make with your heart

When you can dream then you can start
A dream is a wish you make with your heart

SONGWRITERS
AL HOFFMAN, JERRY LIVINGSTON, MACK DAVID

PUBLISHED BY
LYRICS © WALT DISNEY MUSIC PUBLISHING COMPANY

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11 thoughts on “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

  1. I am probably like the alcoholic in denial when it comes to social media, in that I truly believe I could “quit anytime i want to, I just don’t want to, dammit!” Such an interesting (and scary) experience you had Thursday, and so glad it ended well (well, maybe not well, but sad but grateful beats craving any day in my book!). I find that when I have those moments of mucking around in the past (interestingly, had one of those myself yesterday), sending up a prayer of thanks that it IS the past, and not the present, tends to dispel the “gloomies.”

    Thanks for sharing this, and reminding me again of how grateful I am to be sober 🙂

  2. Love it. All of it. Crying for the loss of wine … seems logical. I still tell “it” I miss it sometimes … and then I get a sweet reminder of its ugliness and I am renewed in my commitment for sobriety and spiritual living. Today that reminder was from you. God I love my sobriety. Thank goodness for friends who walk the path with me. Amen.

    As far as social media, I am pleased to say I have had a good break-away and somehow God has managed to keep me “in-touch” with my peeps with out “massaging” my pseudo-desire for acceptance and enough-ness … If that even makes sense.

    You always inspire.
    with love, Lisa

  3. wow, I love your Post Sherry and what a great journey with a great outcome!
    I ESPECIALY LOVE the comment above about Social media massaging your need for acceptance and enough-ness. that freaked me out. WE ARE GREAT AND ENOUGH AS WE ARE without booze or S.Media
    hugs to you my friend!!!
    Lisa

  4. I give you so much credit for confronting the wine aisle. I haven’t worked up the courage to do that yet, but I think that it would be terrifying/exhilarating at the same time. I’m so glad that you were able to push past it and recognize how much better life is without wine.

    I like what you’re doing with the social media break. That gives me pause to think maybe I might just have to try that out myself! 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    1. I go by that aisle all the time and never give it a second thought. In the beginning it WAS hard but, like you, I just stayed away until I felt ready. Now I can go in and buy wine or beer for a party like I buy chips and dip.

      This sadness on Saturday was all about what an ugly place I had been in and how much time (and money) was wasted getting wasted. Then the gratitude washed over me and I was compelled to send up a prayer of thanks. I tend to do that from time to time.

      The social media break is STILL hard! That tells me that it was definitely time.

      Sherry

      1. I’m looking forward to the day that I can buy drinks for others if I am asked to. Someday, I’ll get there!

        I know that ugly place you speak of. I remind myself of it each time my brain asks for a drink and then I snap out of it. Gratitude is always the next emotion and I offer thanks as you did. It helps me to stay sane and grounded.

        Hang in there with SM. It will all be there when/if you get back to it. 😉 I have a feeling that FB isn’t going anywhere! Grrrrrrrrrrr.

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