Examining My Own Imperfections

You know…I had this whole post lined up (in my head of course) about what my boss’ comment did to me and how I was feeling about life and my lack of confidence and a bunch of other shit that just added up to a poor me party.  Then I started to get on my own nerves so I stopped thinking about it and moved the hell on.

I’m taking an online class that goes with Brene’ Brown’s book, “The Gift of Imperfection”.  It was recommended to me by Viv over at Grief Happens.  I’ve been trying to read that damn book since someone else (sorry, I can’t remember who) recommended it to me years ago but I keep getting bored and putting it down.  I’m certain that this class is just what I need to get me through the book and, more importantly, provide me with some retention and life tools.

Part of the work in Lesson 1 involved figuring out who in your life are your “go to” people.  In whom do you confide when the shit hits the fan and you’re left embarrassed and ashamed.  Just anybody can’t be on this list.  It has to be someone who will call you on your bullshit (in a compassionate way) and just be there for you…no judgment…just love and connection.  Brene’ says that if you have one or two people like this in your life you are very lucky.

As I sat and thought, I realized that my inability to trust has severely limited my connection to people.  I mean I knew this but I don’t think I really knew this.  It was like a lightening bolt struck me in the middle of the heart when, as I was working, I came to this conclusion.  If you had asked before the lesson, I would have said I had lots of people who love and care for me to put on the list…and that is true.  But this particular list calls for people you trust to hold your deepest, darkest secrets and still love you anyway.  So mine is short – but powerful.

  • My husband.
  • My stepdaughter.
  • My best friend.

These are the people I trust with my heart, my soul, my secrets and my shame.  They are my tribe.  My true north.

I also added my therapist to the list.  I think the reason therapists exist is a lack of these kinds of relationships in our lives.  I used to say that people didn’t need therapists if they had a best friend.  I was so wrong.  Not all besties can be on this list.  I have a lot of very close friends who didn’t make the cut.  Doesn’t mean they aren’t my friends and that we don’t love each other – it just means I don’t trust them to hold my heart in their hands and not break it…even just a little.

And finally I added this blog.  This blog has been and remains privy to everything that is me…warts and all.  It holds my secrets, my shame, my feelings, my life.  I couldn’t walk away now if I tried.  I need to write here like I need to breathe.

So guess what you guys?  This blogosphere made the cut too.  All of you readers who hold me up and push me forward and call me on my bullshit when required.  You are on my list for as long as you choose to read and comment.  No judgments – just unconditional support and love.

I guess that makes me very, very lucky.


18 thoughts on “Examining My Own Imperfections

  1. Hi Sherry
    My Post is similar this morning, about how grateful I am to the Blogosphere!!! I need to write here too, and thanks to you ‘for making the cut’. I am more than happy to hold you heart in my hand and be gentle with it.
    Proud of you for your work.

  2. I’m so glad we made the list! I truly enjoy your posts and I really want to get to know you better. HUGS!! Spill it and I’ll be here for you. I expect you to call me out on my bullshit too, please. 😉

  3. I’ve done the course twice. That is my absolute bible.

    My art journal is one of my prized things. I did it the first time in January 2014. I was newly sober, paranoid and in the midst of a deep depression.

    As I slowly recovered I did more and more of the lessons. They were so profound and I learned a lot about myself.
    Brenes definition of perfectionism is on the inside cover of my journal. It reminds me that those traits, that I once thought were strengths, are actually barriers to being me.

    I hope you find it just as helpful.


    1. I have a very strong suspicion that I will. It feels really right.

      It’s funny…everyone said I would just LOVE Anne Lamott. I’ve read two of her books and…well…she’s okay but she just doesn’t resonate with me the way she does with some people.

      Brene’ however? I find her a kindred spirit. It feels good.

      Thanks Anne.

  4. I am glad we made the list too!
    That is how I feel about my blog world.
    I read the book, but I never knew there was a course!
    I’ll have to look that up!!
    I hope you are having a good day!

  5. I enjoy your blogs so nice we made your list.
    I was thinking about this recently and I don’t have a go to person like that. My hubby is amazing but he has so much stress in his job that I don’t feel I want to add to it. So I close up and work through things myself as best I can.
    good thoughts though.

    1. Oh Free!!!! I learned something a long time ago that I’m going to share with you now. Take it or leave it – totally up to you.

      Men are designed to listen to us and help us. In fact, they NEED it. It helps them step away from their high stress jobs and focus on something else for awhile. The only thing you need to be SURE you tell them is that they don’t need to FIX anything. It’s stressful for them when you unload and they think they have to fix it. All we (as women) really want is for someone to listen while we work through our own issues. At the end of the conversation we always feel better – it’s just a matter of getting it out of our faces so we can really look at it and examine it.

      The reason this works for men is because they can only focus on one thing at a time. They aren’t wired to multi-task like we are. So focusing on us and our problems for awhile allows them to 1. feel like we need them which is HUGE for them and 2. take their minds off their own issues for awhile.

      This one little concept totally changed my relationship with my husband – in fact it saved my marriage.

      Hope you find a go to person soon (even if it’s not your hubs). Everyone needs at least one.


  6. This blog journey is the best….everyone seems to be on the same page and seeking the same thing….You, my darling, are my go to person also and when you see me smile, you know it’s because deep down in my soul, I know what a gift you are….love you, baby!!!

  7. Yay!!!! I’m so glad you’re doing the course! I need to follow my own advice and get with it! Keep it up and thanks for continually inspiring me — even when I want to crawl in the bed…

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