54 at 54 Weekly Update – Week 7

 

This week has been…um…interesting.

I’ve been in a much better frame of mind.  I’d love to give you a count of steps and miles but my fairly new FitBit is acting up and many of my days last week have a big fat “0” where the steps should be.  I had my old FitBit for over a year and it worked perfectly.  When my company gave us new ones (for free) I got a new one.

I gave the old one to a friend.  That one is still working just fine thank you VERY much.

*sigh*

But overall I’ve had a much better attitude this week.  Still not getting on the scale.  Clothing still feels good – maybe even a little looser – okay definitely looser.  Planning when to add weight training to my fitness routine.  Really, really good.

Until today.

I’ve been known to be a little thin-skinned when it comes to my looks.  It’s no secret that I don’t have a very high opinion of how I look and the extra weight makes that even worse.  I PROMISE that this is something I’m working very hard to correct and I am NOT fishing for compliments.  I’m just stating facts.  I work very, very hard to convince myself that I am more than a number on a box on the floor or on the back of my jeans.  That my worth lies in the size of my heart rather than the size of my ass.

And then this happens…

I’m eating lunch, at my desk, again.  I have my salad which consists of lettuce, 3 oz of chicken, tomatoes, olives, cucumbers, goat cheese and three tablespoons of low calorie Cesar dressing.  It’s my everyday lunch (which is my largest meal) and packs a whopping 450 calories of healthy, whole food.  With that, I also have exactly two Diet Pepsi’s.

Boss (seeing me pour my soda):  You know you’d be a lot healthier if you didn’t drink that crap.

Me:  I know but it’s the only crap I have in life! (kidding)

Boss:  I’m sure you have a lot more crap….(trailing off when she realizes what she’s saying). 

Me:  Really?  Like what?

Boss:  *crickets* 

Me:  Look, I don’t drink.  I don’t smoke.  I try to limit sugar.  I don’t eat a lot of fatty food.  I never eat fast food.  I get two sodas a day.  I’m fine.

Boss:  Well…at least tell me it’s diet.

Me:  Of course it’s diet.

Boss:  *Walks away*

At first I laughed it off but the more I let it stew, the more it bothered me.  I know my boss has an aversion to “fat” people which she states on a regular basis.  I often have thought, “Lord what she must think of me.”

I guess now I know.

This has me feeling pretty low right now but, if anything, it’s added to my resolve.  Not so she won’t think I’m fat any more (because once I get through these feelings I really won’t give a flying fuck what she thinks) but because I need to rebuild my confidence and I can’t do that if I’m unhealthy.

Unhealthy Sherry takes a conversation like that and just rolls her eyes, pretending it doesn’t hurt as much as it really does.

Healthy Sherry says, “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”

I like healthy Sherry’s attitude.  She’s got balls.  😉

Happy weekend everyone. Stay safe.  Stay sober.  Stay healthy.

Namaste

 

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28 thoughts on “54 at 54 Weekly Update – Week 7

  1. So I jump onto to WordPress specifically to go back and comment on a post of yours that I read on my phone, and bam! Here’s this one, how great, I can get all caught up with Sherry’s life.

    And now… I am sitting here, trying to bring my blood pressure down.

    I know you don’t mind a little potty mouth, so I’m just going to say it:

  2. So I jump onto to WordPress specifically to go back and comment on a post of yours that I read on my phone, and bam! Here’s this one, how great, I can get all caught up with Sherry’s life.

    And now… I am sitting here, trying to bring my blood pressure down.

    I know you don’t mind a little potty mouth, so I’m just going to say it:

    WHAT. THE. FUCK.

    I mean seriously… what the FUCK!?!

    That woman is a lawsuit waiting to happen, and SHE’S YOUR BOSS?!?! What do you mean, you know she has an aversion to fat people? I want to say WTF about a million more times.

    Please stop reading this comment, go find wherever the fuck your HR department is, and report her ass.

    In case you’re wondering, my blood pressure has not come down.

    I will try to distract myself from your SUPREME ASSHOLE OF A BOSS, and say I am so glad you have been in a better frame of mind. Interesting, I am just starting to head out of my funk today, so I’m hoping to be all back and positive like you have been very soon. I love that you’re making the scale-less lifestyle work for you, so far it’s not working for me, but I’m working on it. And why?

    BECAUSE THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT NOT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Also, you handled the Fitbit Failure very well. That happened to me once, and I was freaking out, until my 14 year old daughter said, “You know, Mommy, you still actually walked the steps, right?”

    Hmmm, perhaps I need an attitude adjustment!

    Also, that lunch sounds super healthy, and I still want to kill your boss. And now my comment is a blog post itself, and I still have to go back to your other one, so I’m going to shut up.

    I hope the next update talks about your trip to HR…

    1. I just love the hell out of you…you know that?

      I know my boss is a psycho but the thing is…I love her. She’s done a lot for me over the last five years and she’s one of those broken people who were raised by broken people. I usually approach her with compassion and eventually I’ll let her know that she crossed a line…but today – well I just wasn’t ready to go there.

      Thank you for getting angry and supporting me. I really needed to read every bit of that comment. You rock and you’re right – IT’S TOO IMPORTANT NOT TO!!!!!

      Love and hugs my friend,
      Sherry

  3. Oh, for crying out loud. Seriously?? Some people just don’t have a clue. Your boss sounds like one of those kind of people.
    I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Next time, fling some goat cheese into her hair as she walks away. 😉 Hugs!

  4. Sherry, who is this person that you would hand over your power to her and choose to feel bad over how you have interpreted her comments?? Stick with healthy Sherry, her attitude is better. And don’t work so ‘hard’ on this, work well with consistency, understanding, love and fun – it’ll go much better. Out weight issues aren’t about what we eat but about our attitudes towards and about ourselves which in turn impact on we put into our bodies.
    From what I’ve read in your blogs generally you have a good positive approach to things and life and an understanding of what rocks your world. Keep on going forward.
    I think maybe your boss’s comments are more a reflection of her inner self beliefs and attitudes than they are about you.

    1. Thanks free. Believe me when I say that I would never turn over an ounce of my power to her – which is exactly why I choose not to respond to her today. But it’s a fact of life that people get their feelings hurt by other people from time to time and today it was my turn. I’m learning that I have to just feel the feeling and let it pass.

      And you guys are the best for helping me do that.

      Thanks,
      Sherry

  5. Healthy Sherry has a way better attitude about it than Unhealthy Sherry. I think that Healthy Sherry would also not stand for workplace harassment over physical appearance if it happened to someone else, so she deserves the same consideration for herself. So Miracle is right – that’s a total HR visit for sure.

    <> DO IT. DO IT NOW!

  6. Your boss sounds like a psycho. She is probably also unnaturally pre- occupied with her own calorie intake. People who have a healthy relationship with food couldn’t care less what other people are consuming. Enjoy your diet soda. I personally love the stuff. x

    1. She definitely has an issue with calorie intake and her own weight. I don’t think anyone has ever told her that she’s okay. Again – I know she’s broken so I try to overlook a lot of her…um…issues. Today was just a bad day.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. It means the world.

      Sherry

    2. ^^^^ This ^^^^^
      I can completely understand how you take this with a grain of salt, but at the same time you’re still bothered by it. I’m still figuring out how to let stuff like this roll off my back. I think you handled it well.

  7. The world is full of rude people who are so full of their own fear that they can’t interact properly with others..
    I’m sorry you have to work with one.

    It might be worth having a private moment with her and just tell her you feel her comments on your choices of food are unhelpful and you would prefer not to discuss them again.

    Perfect as she is Sherry sounds like she is working on finding a place for exercise and vegetables in her life. As a non drinker and non smoker you are way ahead of the curve. The rest will follow.

    The preoccupation our society has that requires fit and skinny to be synonymous really frustrates me. I know too many think, unhealthy people and many fit, heavier people.

    Stay away from the scale. Hug your body and tell it you love it. Being happy today is within reach.

    Anne

    1. Exercise and vegetables have always had a huge place in my life. My drinking got in the way of that for awhile but now it’s back where it belongs. She really doesn’t bother me usually but she will definitely hear my side very soon.

      Thanks Anne – you rock.

      Sherry

  8. One time my principal (a woman) introduced me to visiting teachers from Iceland, by playing with my hair.
    Yikes!
    What is wrong with people?
    Way to go adding weights! I feel strong when I use my weights!
    Hugs,
    Wendy

  9. Ohhhhhhh she’s a bitch!

    Thanks for checking in with me today. You have no idea how much that meant to me. I was working so couldn’t chat, but I loved that you did that, you big hearted beautiful girl!

  10. Bad ass Sherry!
    Asshat boss!
    Keep doing what you are doing, it is awesome, amazing and it is working.
    There are only so many things we can give up at one time.
    People’s brains are generally not connected to their mouths. Unfortunate state of human nature.
    Everyone has an opinion, and most should be kept to themselves.
    Haters are going to hate. Bad Ass Sherry rises above it!
    Love you and what you are doing! Keep up the GREAT work!

  11. I used to work with a very thin woman who had a box of raisins for lunch every day. After I learned that, a lot about her personality made sense (she wasn’t a very happy person). I’m a firm believer in keeping things to look forward to in our daily diet. Long term deprivation doesn’t work for most, and why should it need to? Keep some treats. Diet soda no less. I wish people would think before they speak but I’ve been where you are and I hope sharing helps. You are not alone.

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