This week has been…um…interesting.
I’ve been in a much better frame of mind. I’d love to give you a count of steps and miles but my fairly new FitBit is acting up and many of my days last week have a big fat “0” where the steps should be. I had my old FitBit for over a year and it worked perfectly. When my company gave us new ones (for free) I got a new one.
I gave the old one to a friend. That one is still working just fine thank you VERY much.
But overall I’ve had a much better attitude this week. Still not getting on the scale. Clothing still feels good – maybe even a little looser – okay definitely looser. Planning when to add weight training to my fitness routine. Really, really good.
I’ve been known to be a little thin-skinned when it comes to my looks. It’s no secret that I don’t have a very high opinion of how I look and the extra weight makes that even worse. I PROMISE that this is something I’m working very hard to correct and I am NOT fishing for compliments. I’m just stating facts. I work very, very hard to convince myself that I am more than a number on a box on the floor or on the back of my jeans. That my worth lies in the size of my heart rather than the size of my ass.
And then this happens…
I’m eating lunch, at my desk, again. I have my salad which consists of lettuce, 3 oz of chicken, tomatoes, olives, cucumbers, goat cheese and three tablespoons of low calorie Cesar dressing. It’s my everyday lunch (which is my largest meal) and packs a whopping 450 calories of healthy, whole food. With that, I also have exactly two Diet Pepsi’s.
Boss (seeing me pour my soda): You know you’d be a lot healthier if you didn’t drink that crap.
Me: I know but it’s the only crap I have in life! (kidding)
Boss: I’m sure you have a lot more crap….(trailing off when she realizes what she’s saying).
Me: Really? Like what?
Me: Look, I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I try to limit sugar. I don’t eat a lot of fatty food. I never eat fast food. I get two sodas a day. I’m fine.
Boss: Well…at least tell me it’s diet.
Me: Of course it’s diet.
Boss: *Walks away*
At first I laughed it off but the more I let it stew, the more it bothered me. I know my boss has an aversion to “fat” people which she states on a regular basis. I often have thought, “Lord what she must think of me.”
I guess now I know.
This has me feeling pretty low right now but, if anything, it’s added to my resolve. Not so she won’t think I’m fat any more (because once I get through these feelings I really won’t give a flying fuck what she thinks) but because I need to rebuild my confidence and I can’t do that if I’m unhealthy.
Unhealthy Sherry takes a conversation like that and just rolls her eyes, pretending it doesn’t hurt as much as it really does.
Healthy Sherry says, “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”
I like healthy Sherry’s attitude. She’s got balls. 😉
Happy weekend everyone. Stay safe. Stay sober. Stay healthy.