Slow Down, You Move Too Fast…

Slow down, you move too fast,  

You’ve got to make the morning last,  

Just kickin’ down the cobble-stones,

Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy,

Feeling groovy  ~Simon & Garfunkle, 59th Street Bridge album

That has always been one of my favorite songs…I can’t tell you why but when I hear it, it just makes me feel good.  It’s a happy song, and we all know how I feel about my happy. 

As I’ve gotten older (and sober) it’s taken on new meaning.  Life moves so fast.  Don’t blink.  (I love that Kenny Chesney song too.)  Slow down.  Breathe.

Yesterday my son sent me this text…

“Do you realize that there is a point at which you and dad put us down as kids and never picked us up again?”

Wait…what?

So I sent him this text…

“I hate you so much right now.”

Followed immediately by…

“Seriously.”

Here’s a fact.  I live to embarrass my children and they live to make me cry sentimental tears.  Well played my son…well played.

These are the times when I feel blessed that my drinking didn’t interfere with the time in their lives when I could pick them up.  Snuggle them and make it all better.  Run to greet them when I returned from a business trip and swing them around in my arms.  Turn them upside down and listen as they screamed with joy.  I was present then and when I read a text like that, I thank the good Lord that I was.

I just didn’t realize how quickly time was passing.  I was too busy being in it.  I tried to slow down, to make memories, to capture moments.  But it was hard.  When the girls were young it wasn’t too bad.  Two young girls, one I only had part-time, the other an old soul who never gave anyone a moment’s concern.  Then the boys came along.  All of a sudden I had a house filled with Legos and Pokemon and things moved very fast.  Some days it was all I could do to fall into bed, exhausted, only to wake and do it all again the next day.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’ve never regretted one single second of time since the day the first one came into my life and I never took it for granted (okay, maybe a little with my “old soul girl” but I was young and really stupid).  When people would stop me and say, “Wow, you’ve got your hands full,” I would reply, “Yes and they are filled with love.”  I meant it too.  But time still went way too fast.  It marched on in spite of the roadblocks I put up.

Now I sit, as an almost, empty nester, shaking my head and wondering how I missed that moment.  If I had been aware that it was the last time I would ever put them down, would I have done it differently?  Would I have held on just one more minute and savored the moment just a little more?  Tried to stretch the time?

No.  I would have put them down and stepped away and let them stand on their own – because that’s my job.  And I’ve done it well. 

Still sucks though.

Unless you’re my husband.  When I read him the text yesterday his response was, “Oh yeah and when I put them down I said thank God you can walk by yourself and I don’t have to fucking carry you anymore!”

Sometimes I hate him so much right now too.

Seriously. 😉

Namaste

19 thoughts on “Slow Down, You Move Too Fast…

  1. Accckkkkkkkk! What an idea! We put them down and we never picked them up again! I hate that thought too. But its true huh. And your husband….LOL This is a perfect example of Mars/Venus stuff. And you too would have held on just a minute more! LOL I know I would have!! We still would let them stand and do whatever they had to do to become independent…..but selfishly, yes, I would have held on just for a minute extra and smelled that sweet lavendary soft hair and that sweet pudgy hand in mine, especially if I knew it was the last time we would have that sort of little kid/mom moment.

  2. Thanks for the sweet reminder. Mine are too big to pick up, but not so big that I can’t cuddle and tickle (well, not my son so much, 14 now). Good thoughts my friend, good thoughts.

    1. You’re welcome. Mine are also too big to pick up but I definitely hold on a little longer when we hug. Lucky for me, we’re an affectionate and demonstrative family so that’s a lot!.

      Sherry

  3. This is SO true! It’s funny reading this this morning because I was thinking these thoughts last night as I bathed my 5yo. Both of my kids can finally take care of most things by themselves in the tub these days, and I try my best to be the mom who lets them do it even if it’s not perfect, but after a few days I like to make sure they get a good scrubbing from their dad or me — usually me. Last night was that night, but as I was looking at my child who this year has really lost that baby look, I got so sad thinking that it won’t be much longer before neither child wants me anywhere near the bathroom while they’re bathing. Last year this time, I threw my back out quickly lifting this same kid and had to accept that I can no longer carry them. I was such a reluctant mother. I loved my kids passionately from the get-go, but so much of me felt like I was screwing it all up in the early days. I thought that these amazing people were given to the wrong person and that they deserved a much more competent mother — one who was ultra-organized and loved to cook. I’m slowly accepting that I’m okay at this mother thing in my own way and trying my best to enjoy the parts that I loathe like an inevitably messy house and never-ending laundry — I want to be with my kids instead of working non-stop to keep up with the mess. Thank you! I needed to read this today. I just turned down a job that I thought was gonna be a perfect fit — turns out not so much, but I’m bummed. I had my hopes up but it just wouldn’t work with my husband’s schedule and the kids would never see either of their parents. I just couldn’t do. I was sitting here grieving what could have been and feeling resentful — more at my spouse than my kids but mostly just at the situation. Then I read this and now I feel more at peace. It does go so fast and I want to enjoy as much of their childhood as I can.

    1. I learned a very log time ago not to worry about whether or not I was a good cook or my house was clean. They could care less. They want our time and love and that’s it. So what if the dust bunnies are taking over!

      I’m glad I could bring you a little peace today. Sometimes the Universe is kind and brings us just what we need when we need it.

      Sherry

  4. Your son is on Reddit, eh? That was a topic of discussion yesterday on Reddit! LOL

    I love the response “yes, and they are filled with love” response you used to give.

    1. He said Tumblr but they probably got it from Reddit.

      When people used to look at my twins and say, “uh-oh…double trouble” I would respond, “yes but I get twice the kisses and twice the hugs”. Shut ’em up pretty quick.

      Sherry

      1. Thank you so much Sherry. I leave on 10/15 for Missouri. The whole family is coming in for a reunion/good-bye. Bittersweet. It has been brutal emotionally since last week. I pray she stays well until we all get there. I hope the Universe gives us that.
        Hospice is meeting with her today. Ugh.

  5. Sigh. It brings a tear to my eye.
    My son picked me up this weekend. He is 11. And showing how strong he is. I was barely able to lift him.
    These thoughts are why I still sleep with my 9 year old daughter when she begs me to. She says cuddle me mommy. And I cuddle her as tight as I can.
    I may have missed some of this. I know drinking dulled a few of the last years. But I am making today count. And every day onward.

  6. Outstanding. You put it into words what many of us parents feel everyday. Ironic that I just wrote about similar moments myself with my kids. I say it all the time, sometimes hours feel like days, days feel like weeks, and weeks feel like years, but before you know it, they are all grown up.

    As always, keep up the good work.
    Dave

  7. Beautiful. Lovely. I have to remember this when my boys (7 and 5) want me to pick them up and play and I say “I’m too tired!”. I know the day will come when they don’t want my hugs and kisses, so I take it when I can get them now 🙂

    Blessings
    Paul

    1. I don’t know Paul, all my kids from 43-19 still hug and kiss their dad (and me for that matter) and four of the six are boys.

      But you’re right to cherish these moments…they go by in a flash.

      Sherry

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