I found out how my post from yesterday got published before it was finished. Seems my darling husband found it after I minimized the window (rather than closing it) and thought that I wasn’t going to publish it but that it needed to be published so…he did it for me.
Now I have all kinds of issues with this but I’m not as angry as I would have been say…five years ago. Then I was an open book but only to a certain extent – you know…except when it came to my drinking. Now I’m an open book, appendics, table of contents and acknowledgments too!!!
And sometimes I carry a metaphor too far…but anyway.
I do feel a little “invaded” however and so he and I will have a little “chat” but I want to do it the right way because, bless his heart (as we say in the South) he was only trying to help.
And he does – constantly. After 31 years together it’s safe to say that he knows me better than any other human on the planet. He’s got my back and I’ve got his. As my daughter says…ride or die. No matter what, he’s my biggest fan.
But he can’t, ever, know what’s it’s like to be a depressive nor will he ever know what it’s like to be an alcoholic (or an “aholic” of any kind). I try very hard to explain it to him, and this blog (which he reads) and your comments go a long way to helping him see into my fucked up head; but really? He’ll never really know because he isn’t either of those things. It’s like when I was pregnant and I tried explaining to him what hormones had done with his wife. I still looked the same (if by “the same” you mean with an additional 60 pounds and another human or two on board) but I sure didn’t act the same. At any given time he was probably expecting to see my head start spinning and pea soup to come flying out of my face.
But he tried…he tried so hard to understand.
It just wasn’t possible.
So the hubs gets props for trying to understand what was happening inside my head yesterday and publishing my post before it’s time.
But darling, I love you to the moon and back and at least until tomorrow…but if you ever fuck with my blog again…I’ll go SE on yo ass and cut you faster than you can say, “But I thought…”