Work is crazy right now. We’re coming into our busy/crazy/kill-me-now season in addition to an increased work load and a reduced staff. That’s one of the reasons I’ve not been able to post or comment a lot lately…too much to do and by the time I’m done for the day – I’m fried. Crispy. Burnt.
During all of this insanity (which I secretly love BTW – except for the part about missing all of you) something happened last week that brought back some
uncomfortable shitty memories that need to be put on the “page” so they get out of my freaking head and leave me the hell alone. They bug me when they’re up there, rolling around in my already stuffed head begging for attention. I don’t like to be bugged.
Lots of times I have early morning appointments that get put on my calendar and, because I didn’t put them there, I may or may not forget them. Well, I don’t exactly forget them but they get shoved to the back of the priority list in favor of stuff that I put on my calendar and therefore is much more
important top of mind. Add to that the fact that I’m getting old and can’t remember shit about most things and, well, I’d better be writing this shit down or I’m in a heap o’ trouble people.
Oh…and in case I haven’t mentioned it about a million times, I am not a morning person. At. All. Period.
So last week all of these things came together in kind of a perfect storm. Fortunately I had to be at work early (6:45 a-fucking-m) so I was there when the event that I was supposed to remember but didn’t came to light. Naturally I said, “Of course I remembered! Just been a little busy is all. Wait one sec while I take care of that!” Bullshit meters all of Charlotte, NC were going off so loudly you could have awakened the dead.
That, in and of itself, is not the point of this post because…well because I’m older than dirt and it happens more and more frequently here lately and well fuck me if I can’t take a joke. It is what it is. The point is the feeling that came over me when I realized my mistake.
All of you alcoholics out there are way ahead of me here aren’t you? You know what’s coming. And now, thanks to me, you’re feeling it too. Don’t lie. I know…we all do.
It’s that feeling of, “Oh shit what did I do what did I say why can’t I remember if I hadn’t slept so long because I drank so much last night I would have been here and ready to handle this I drank too much last night and overslept and missed an important meeting blah blah blah.” Yep..that one.
And son of a bitch if I couldn’t feel the hangover!!! The quesy stomach. The headache. The exhaustion. It didn’t last long but for one brief, hideous moment I was back in that place again.
I hated that place. Still do.
Then, as quickly as it hit it was gone. Relief swept over me. I took a very deep breath and let out a long sigh.
Then closed my eyes and quietly whispered…
Thank you God.