That Feeling

Work is crazy right now.  We’re coming into our busy/crazy/kill-me-now season in addition to an increased work load and a reduced staff.  That’s one of the reasons I’ve not been able to post or comment a lot lately…too much to do and by the time I’m done for the day – I’m fried.  Crispy.  Burnt.

During all of this insanity (which I secretly love BTW – except for the part about missing all of you) something happened last week that brought back some uncomfortable shitty memories that need to be put on the “page” so they get out of my freaking head and leave me the hell alone.  They bug me when they’re up there, rolling around in my already stuffed head begging for attention.  I don’t like to be bugged.

Lots of times I have early morning appointments that get put on my calendar and, because I didn’t put them there, I may or may not forget them.  Well, I don’t exactly forget them but they get shoved to the back of the priority list in favor of stuff that I put on my calendar and therefore is much more important top of mind.  Add to that the fact that I’m getting old and can’t remember shit about most things and, well, I’d better be writing this shit down or I’m in a heap o’ trouble people.

Oh…and in case I haven’t mentioned it about a million times, I am not a morning person.  At.  All. Period.

So last week all of these things came together in kind of a perfect storm.  Fortunately I had to be at work early (6:45 a-fucking-m) so I was there when the event that I was supposed to remember but didn’t came to light.  Naturally I said, “Of course I remembered!  Just been a little busy is all.  Wait one sec while I take care of that!”  Bullshit meters all of Charlotte, NC were going off so loudly you could have awakened the dead.

That, in and of itself, is not the point of this post because…well because I’m older than dirt and it happens more and more frequently here lately and well fuck me if I can’t take a joke.  It is what it is.  The point is the feeling that came over me when I realized my mistake.

All of you alcoholics out there are way ahead of me here aren’t you?  You know what’s coming.  And now, thanks to me, you’re feeling it too.  Don’t lie.  I know…we all do.

It’s that feeling of, “Oh shit what did I do what did I say why can’t I remember if I hadn’t slept so long because I drank so much last night I would have been here and ready to handle this I drank too much last night and overslept and missed an important meeting blah blah blah.”  Yep..that one.

And son of a bitch if I couldn’t feel the hangover!!!  The quesy stomach.  The headache.  The exhaustion.  It didn’t last long but for one brief, hideous moment I was back in that place again.

I hated that place.  Still do.

Then, as quickly as it hit it was gone.  Relief swept over me.  I took a very deep breath and let out a long sigh.

Then closed my eyes and quietly whispered…

Thank you God.


9 thoughts on “That Feeling

  1. ok, I haven’t read this post yet…but I saw something there at the top…WHEN DID YOU GET FRESHLY PRESSED???!! Wow! I must have missed it! Congrats!!

    Ugh, I feel so bad I missed it. When was it? did I reply to that one? did I have a sober blackout? Am I blind?

    Oh dear…I am so out of the loop these days.

    Well, I will have to take time and find it, my friend.

    Wow – I am so happy to know so many folks who are getting the well-deserved blue stamp. In the end, it’s all still good writing and some people who I admire don’t have it and it means nothing when we are put in the dirt for good.

    Oh dear, I went and made it something more than it is. Again.
    le Sigh.


    P.S Heading out – will read and comment later…lol

  2. Sherrie, I am feeling the beauty of no hangovers, and also feeling that I am getting back to my true self, but that is another reflection.

    What I wanted to comment on was that I missed an appointment last week also, and instead of thinking omg what did I do last night. I went the other way, oh I am so stupid, why can’t I remember appointments, what an idiot I am, I wrote the appointment on my calendar and then of course forget it , I am always screwing things up, etc. I am beginning to believe, that this sort of thinking was one of the causes of my drinking. I screwed that one up, might as well drink. I spun small mistakes into large ones and blew things out of proportion and then berated myself as much as possible.

    So, I had to take a breath, take a step back and say, wow, I missed a dentist appt. the world didn’t end, rarely do I miss appointments, I have a lot on my mind this month. I had to give myself the break that I would have given a friend if she told me she missed an appt.

    Anyway, happy spring

  3. yeah if I don’t write things in my calendar now I totally forget them.. like even when it’s a weekly event (like my 4-year-old’s 1pm swimming lesson every Tuesday) I’ll forget it if it’s not written in the calendar. It’s very annoying. Is it age? yes I think so. Sending and PS I’ve updated my last post with a photo so you can see what a bloody onesie is! xxx

  4. I forget things from the bedroom to the kitchen where I am headed to write the thing on the white board.
    I feel the same way when I trip or stumble. I immediately think, have I had to much to drink? Would I have done that sober?
    Apparently, yes. Not graceful at all.
    Here is to aging, I wish I could forget about that.

  5. i know that sinking feeling so well! The nice thing about being sober for it is that it hits more weakly and lasts less long.

    Congrats on the Freshly Pressed! Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving blogger!

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