Time Marches On…Boo!

Okay…so I’m not a fan of Halloween.  But when the kids were little I was a kick ass Halloween mom.  Our house was decorated, pumpkins were carved elaborately, spooky music played through speakers to the outside and a scary witch, vampire, zombie always answered the door (but not TOO scary – I love the little ones in their costumes and wouldn’t want to scare them).  But no clowns…never clowns {shudder}.

But as I wrote here, I was happy this year to not have to do any of that.  I could finally just relax, hand out a little candy and be free!

Not.

The hubs had to go pick up our oldest from school during prime trick-or-treat time so I ended up handing out all of the candy.  I’ll admit I didn’t hate it (I never did).  It didn’t suck.  What it did was trigger me.

Wait…what?

Yeah – not big time and not in a let-me-get-in-the-car-and-buy-a-bottle-or-three-of-wine-and-get-hammered kind of way…but definitely in a nostalgic kind of way.

I have crazy neighbors.  Crazy good.  Crazy fun.  One of my neighbors is kind of the neighborhood organizer.  She’s amazing.  She bakes wedding cakes, she sews, she cooks.  She’s the Martha Stewart of South Carolina. She’s beautiful inside and out and has a lilting Tennessee accent to boot.  (Yes, I’ve tried to hate her but it’s really not possible.)

On Halloween her family dressed up like the Flintstones – Fred, Wilma, Pebbles and Dino (the dog even had to wear a costume).  She had all the neighbors with little ones over to her house for chili and beer (or wine) before they took the kids trick or treating, and then back to her house for dessert.  Of course I was not invited since my kids are grown ass adults and that didn’t bother me a bit.

My trigger came when they came to my door and I stopped to chat with her for awhile.  I complimented her costume and watched while she sipped wine while we spoke.  I wasn’t triggered for a drink so much (although that was part of it) as I was triggered by nostalgia.  I wanted to go back to a time when my boys were little and dressing up and trick or treating.

Wait…what?  Didn’t you say you HATED Halloween?

Well…yeah…but…

I miss when they were little.  I miss my little ninjas and Power Rangers and Pumpkins and Vampires.  I miss kids jacked up on sugar only to crash later and have a serious meltdown.  I miss my ONE glass of wine when it was all over.  I miss the camaraderie with the neighbors as we all ushered our kids around in a group.

I think I just miss that time in my life.

So really, it’s not about the wine although that was certainly part of it, so much as it’s about the time.  The time in my life when little boy arms still reached for me, sugar crashes made me want to jump off a building and one glass of wine was more than enough.  Time passing…too quickly.

Dear Time…slow the fuck down would ya?  I’m having a hard time keeping up.

Namaste