I’m a Halloween Scrooge. There, I’ve said it. I do not like Halloween and I never have. Don’t judge.
No…it’s not because I think it’s about Satan. Puh-lease.
No…it’s not because I don’t like the idea of dressing up. I think costumes (on some people) are fun.
No…it’s not because it scares me.
It’s because…well…I just think it’s…dumb. Yep, as in stupid and a waste of time. Again…no judgement people. There are those out there that think the concept of Santa Claus is a bad one and so they raise their children to believe that he’s not real (he’s not?) and I don’t judge them. Much. Okay I do. Go ahead and judge me…I can take it.
Now before you send the lynch mob, let me assure you that when the kids were growing up I went all out for this holiday. (Really? An actual holiday? Puh-lease.) We have fall decorations for our house AND we have Halloween decorations for our house. There are bats and witches and ghosts and elaborately carved pumpkins and skulls with smoke and spooky music. We only give out the best candy (no Dum-Dums in my house) and over the years I’ve been known to get very creative with the kids’ costumes – not Pinterest creative mind you, but I did okay.
Which brings me to another issue I have with this “holiday”. Why do we take a perfectly simple concept and turn it into a shit show? The stores now carry as many Halloween decorations as they do Christmas decorations. And the costumes? $30 and up for a kids costume? For reals? Nope…come here kid. I’ve got some eyeliner that I’ll smudge all over you. Put you in some ratty clothes and you can go as a hobo.
Yes…a hobo. As in one that rides the rails…on purpose. No, I am not making fun of homeless people. Good grief I wish we’d all lighten up. When the boys were little their preschool did a Halloween parade but banned scary costumes and anything they didn’t deem Christian (it was a private preschool). What the hell was left? Sorry but my boys do not want to be a fairy princess, they are afraid of clowns and Nicklelodean costumes were too expensive. Power Rangers and Ninja’s was all we had left..every freaking year!
Then my kids got to the age where they no longer wanted to dress up. They just wanted to Trick-or-Treat. That’s when I put my foot down and felt the pressure of Halloween lift from my shoulders. I knew then that I was no longer on the hook for this made up holiday.
Because Trick-or-Treating without a costume isn’t Trick-or-Treating.
Nope…not on my watch. (And yes I know it has both pagan and religious roots that could make it a real holiday…whatever.)
Now we have our porch light on, give out good candy and ooo and ahhh over all the little ones in their cute costumes and shoo away the ones begging without a costume. The boys carve their own pumpkins that they put in the yard only to have them rot 24 hours later because we live in the south and it will likely be 75 frickin’ degrees Halloween night.
So I will be relaxing this Halloween instead of trying to out do the neighbors or entertain a bunch of kids all hyped up on sugar. I will place my boys (or the hubs) at the door with strict instructions to make sure all of the candy is gone, and I’ll put on HGTV and chill.
You’ll have to excuse me now…my broom is double parked.