I drive myself crazy sometimes…you know? I just wish I would learn to give myself a break and learn some PATIENCE. Over the years (and with the help of some really good meds) I’ve developed patience for the world and its people that has seen me through some trying times. Not much ruffles my feathers anymore. Most things are just not worth getting all bent out of shape over. I like to cultivate a Zen existence.
But when it comes to me. Ha! I have no patience. I want what I want and I want it now and if I can’t make it happen then I’m a total and complete failure to myself and society on the whole. My latest “issue” with myself is my yoga and meditation practice…or lack thereof. For most of the last 90+ days or so, I’ve only been on the mat maybe once or twice. I moved out of my meditation/yoga room downstairs and returned it to the hubs for his office (which is good because instead of going upstairs to his desk, he was using my kitchen counter as an office). I moved my mat, altar and lifeboard to the nook in our master bedroom. I thought the change in venue might spur some action on my part.
Not so much. About all its done is made me feel guilty about NOT doing it every time I look at it…sitting there…getting dusty. Sigh…
I have a million excuses. It’s been too hot (it has). I’m working crazy hours and am constantly tired (that was true until my first Whole30…now I have energy to spare). I should spend the few hours that I have walking the dogs instead of on the mat (they DO need walking – but…um…I’m not getting that done either). I’ll do it after vacation. I’ll start Monday. Blah, blah freaking blah.
Why is it that the things that are GOOD for us we put off doing? Why do we make it so hard? The bad stuff we jump right into with gusto. Yeah! Give me another glass of wine! I’m not driving! Har har har. Sure, I’ll have another piece of cake! YOLO! Let me try some of that fried cheese…it’s the fair after all! Mmmmm….pizza…I’m on VACATION!
No problem at all.
But let me think about doing something that I know, for a fact, will reset my hormones, recharge my batteries, bring me closer to God and make me a more centered human and all of a sudden I’m the busiest woman on the planet and there is just no time.
Once again…I’m gonna have to call bullshit on myself. And hit the mat. TONIGHT.
PS – Any Whole30 updates out there? How are you guys doing? Any stories to share? I feel fantastic (well…except for the whole yoga/meditation thing).