The Beauty of the Beast

This is from my tree two years ago.   Belle is my favorite Disney princess.

I’ve been thinking about all these cravings and pangs we’ve all been discussing out here in our blog world recently.  It seems that a lot of us are going through the same thing – in spite of the fact that we’re all in different stages of our sobriety and recovery.  Hmmmm…

Then it hit me – AH HA!  It’s Christmas and we’re ALCOHOLICS (or, if you’re still in the drunk closet, problem drinkers).  Even people who don’t normally drink will have a cup of Christmas cheer during the holidays.  Hell there’s even a song that tells you to “have a cup o’ cheer”.  The alcohol ads pick up in intensity and get all warm and fuzzy with their colors and images and sentiments…always being careful to include a quick “always drink responsibly” at the end of the ads.  Christmas parties are in full swing and people are dressing up to go out and drink and it’s all just so damn festive!  And this is all just leading up to the biggest drunk of the year…New Year’s Eve.  So it’s no wonder that those of us who have put down our glasses are having some struggles.

And, now that I’ve had my ah-ha moment, it makes perfect sense.  Of course this time of year is difficult, the cravings and pangs can be unbearable.  But it’s only because we’re alcoholics because…now get a pad and paper and write this down…it’s okay, I’ll wait…you back?  Okay here goes…NORMAL PEOPLE DON’T CRAVE ALCOHOL AT ALL!!!!

I know that may come as quite a shock.  It’s the same shock you have when you see someone pouring wine down the drain after a party (why doesn’t someone DRINK that for god’s sake?).  The same feeling you have when you go out to dinner with someone and they wait, and ponder, and wait to order a drink.  Sometimes they even send the waiter away so they can THINK about it before they make a decision.  What’s there to think about?  Just order the damn drink!  The rest of us are waiting!!!!

Normal people just don’t think the way we do…they are wired differently. 

That’s not to say that they don’t look forward to a drink and that this time of year isn’t fun for them, because I have a lot of friends who are normies and I can tell you that they most certainly do like to drink and have fun doing it.  But they don’t NEED it the way we do and so they don’t CRAVE it and STRUGGLE with it and THINK about it the way we do.  They don’t have that hole down deep in their gut that churns when a craving comes on.  They don’t have a running dialog in their head that constantly shouts at them to find an excuse to drink.  They don’t think about how that first sip will taste and spread through your gut and warm you to your toes…okay…maybe they think about that but not ALL THE TIME.  They don’t have a beast (addiction, illness…whatever you’ve named yours) that hangs around and pokes at you like an annoying little brother with a stick.

So if you’re struggling and craving and dealing with pangs, just know that it’s your beast, your addiction, your illness (whatever the hell you call it) calling attention to the fact that YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PERSON IT HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED.  It is frustrated and angry that, no matter what weapons it chooses, you are not picking up, not drinking, not ruining your recovery or sobriety for the sake of a drink so fa-la-fucking-la to it.  No matter what it says, how bad it makes you feel, how distracted you become, you will still wake up tomorrow morning without a hangover and bursting with pride because, once again, you’ve beaten the beast.

And that is a beautiful thing.


6 thoughts on “The Beauty of the Beast

  1. Damn straight I am the strongest person it has ever encountered. Love your work. Love your words. Love your strength and determination. Love you! xxxxxx

  2. I agree with your post. That is what got me to try and quit drinking 8 days ago. I went to a festive, holiday ale festival with beautiful Christmas lights, lovely Christmas trees, a festive, happy, glowing day for a few hours. The drinking is always lovely at first with that warm feeling you described well.
    At the beer festival I went to most of the beer had an alcohol content of 10 to 14 percent which turned out to be problematic for me even though I was used to drinking regularly 3 or 4 times a week. Those holiday parties you talked about can look so beautiful on the outside but easily can turn in to a night of despair. I turned in to a train wreck that night! I looked so normal before the night escalated. I picked out a cute outfit, actually curled my hair, and wore some funky, dangly earrings! By the time I got home I looked like a street person you would see coming out of the mission. My husband took a few pictures of me and showed me the next morning because he figured I wouldn't remember much.
    I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache to get some water because I was so dehydrated and noticed how normal everything looked with my clean house, sparkly Christmas tree, husband sleeping quietly, Christmas lights with the three wisemen in the window. I couldn't believe this horrible secret I had.
    Anyways on a lighter note, I do enjoy reading your blog. You are a good writer and I can relate to what you are saying. Your Christmas tree looks darling. Have a blessed night. If I am over sharing here please let me know. I don't know if there is any kind of blog etiquette I should follow. Have a blessed night.

  3. Jenna – There is no blog etiquette of which I'm aware and if there was – I'd ignore it. You share as much as you need to share anytime you want to share it. That's how we heal and get through this! If we kept it all inside we'd end up 51 year old women on two different anti-depressants recovering from addictions to alcohol and chocolate…oh wait…maybe that's just me.

    Anyway, feel free to write anything you feel you need to write to get it out of your head. There's no judgement here…only a safe place to explore how you are feeling and get on with your sober self.

    Endless faith,

  4. Oh my!!! If there were “etiquette” in this blogsphere, I would have been 86's MONTHS AGO !!! LOL,, I'm the queen over-writer , , I write like I talk; too much to be sure.

    yam what i yam

  5. Thank you for the kind words, Sherry. I am probably just overthinking everything since I am not drinking. When I comment on your blog at night, it is normally the time I would have a glass of wine in my hand. I have a weakness for chocolate myself! Take care, Jenna

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