When I think back to 2012 and try to review (once I get past New Town), all that comes to mind is one word…recovery.
2012 was the year I began this blog, dipped my toe into the AA world, and finally, blessedly, entered the world of recovering alcoholics. What a difference it has made in my life. I’ve found a semblance of peace I have never, ever, ever experienced in my 50+ years. Words like contentment and satisfaction come to mind. And, the miracle of it all is that I’ve begun to actually love myself. Whoa! Who said that?
I always thought that in order to love myself, I would have to feel the same joy for me that I feel when I think about my children or my husband. That all consuming warmth that fills my mind, heart and soul when I think about them. That, “I’d throw myself in front of a bus for you” feeling. Um…not so much when it comes to me.
Turns out, loving myself is more like the love I feel when I think of God. It’s hard to explain but it’s not the “earthly” kind of love but more like the “universal” kind of love. When I think of how I love God (or whatever you call your HP or deity) it’s an all encompassing filling of my soul with a certainty that I am loved and therefore I love. Wait…what?
In other words, it’s not something I have to think about…it just is.
And now, because of this blog and the wonderful people who read and comment or who read and send me emails or who read and talk to me about it or who just read, I am on a path of peace and lovingkindness that I assumed only existed for other people. I am okay just the way God made me. I have faults but I also have some really, really good characteristics as well and they all come together to make one flawed but perfect human woman…wife, mother, teacher, friend.
That’s not to say I couldn’t stand a little improving…hahahahahaha…in fact…I could use a lot of improving.
I’m not big on resolutions. I try only to make them when I’m serious about making them happen. I’ve made four in my life that have been serious. One in the early 80’s to wear my seatbelt whenever I drove my car. The second came the next year when I resolved to wear it whenever I was in a car (it was several more years before it became mandatory). Then, 12 years ago I resolved to quit smoking, which I did. And finally, three years ago I resolved to quit drinking, which I did.
I think I’m ready for some new ones.
This year I resolve:
- To join my blogging friend ByeByeBeer in her “No Sugar January” and then see where it goes from there. One day at a time people – or, in this case, one month at a time.
- To help myself and my family improve our eating habits overall. (A lot less white food and a lot more vegetables and whole grains. I fight this often but this year I’m digging in my heals.)
- To get up every morning for 30 days in a row and practice yoga followed by at least 10 minutes of mindful meditation…and then see where it goes.
I hope you all have a safe and sober New Year’s Eve and a wonderful 2013. Thank you for being there for me this year. Thanks also for your support and, most importantly, your friendship. I couldn’t have done it without you all.